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random encounters with strangers…

I know children are taught NOT to talk to strangers.  And talking to creepy strangers offering you candy when you are 7 not advisable… but eventually we all have to talk to strangers.  And learn how to figure out if they are creepy 🙂

At some point in this dialogue we will discuss how painfully shy I was as a child but at present we are just going to focus on how I overcame it – and became a pro at stranger talk… I talk to strangers all the time, more frequently when I travel.  I will provide my tips for hanging out in bars at some later point – and not in the way you might envision 😉

My three days at the wine festival offered countless opportunities to talk to strangers and we will continue to explore this theme for a little while.   But first I want to note a specific encounter, which really highlighted the delights of stranger talk…

On Friday night I was busy buying wine and got to the tasting lounge quite late so there was a gigantic line, which I joined.  I didn’t know anyone and am so exhausted from work right now not talking to strangers was OK too…

But I was surprised and impressed when the guy behind me reached for a plate and instead of just taking it, he handed it to me – and then handed me a fork.  Real manners.  Such a lost art in the age of twitter.  He got my attention so I checked him out.  He was also really well dressed.  It went with the manners.  I live in a city where manners and dressing up are pretty rare so I was intrigued.  I ended up sitting with his friends to eat my dinner and exchanging some interesting words.

But he was just a random stranger so I didn’t expect to see him again.  I was back on Saturday and he wasn’t there but shortly before I was due in the proper tasting room, he and one of his friends from the night before arrived.  And waved at me.  So I chatted with them a little.

And ended up spending my evening in the tasting room with them and some of their friends.  What really impressed me was how gracious they all were.  They had made friends with the people at the Riedel booth so we wandered the tasting room with gigantic glasses, which we carefully returned at the end of the night.  The two guys I had met in the Gold Pass Lounge ran wine samples to the staff trapped in the booth demonstrating to people the difference a glass made to the taste of a wine.  And the most fantastic unexpected pleasure for me was that one of their friends has Japanese parents and an impressive knowledge of sake.  I had always thought I wasn’t sure about sake but you just need the right guide.

These are the wonderful unexpected adventures you embark on by talking to cute strangers 😉  Talking to strangers can change your life.  Try to do it at least every couple of months.  It will add a spark to your everyday life – and once you get good at it, some of these strangers will become friends…

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eating & drinking - well, life philosophy

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the DNA of your everyday life…

Yesterday I was speed walking through Waterfront Station at my usual frantic pace, distracted from lack of sleep, and suddenly realized I needed to pay attention.  Because I wasn’t on my way to the client – but to the German Consulate –  so I couldn’t just operate on auto-pilot.  I have been traversing this same route a lot in the past couple of months and a routine has been established that I had to break.

It got me thinking about our everyday routines and how ordinary places become part of our life whether we are aware of it or not.  I think lots of people don’t realize there are places and rituals that have become an important component of their life – and that they would miss them if they didn’t do them.  This is why some people feel a bit lost the day after they retire.

Having moved likely about 40 times – changing everything from neighbourhood to town to country – I have always been very conscious of my daily environment.  And have found quite ordinary places and experiences imbued with great meaning and inducing much nostalgia.

Back in 1990, I lived in Sydney, Australia.  When I went back in 2000 for my first return visit, I took the train to Artarmon.  It’s a residential suburb that no one but a local would know and has nothing to attract tourists. But I wanted to get off the train there and retrace the route I had taken so many times.  Check out magazines in the news agent.  Walk by the TAB without placing a bet.  See if the Indian restaurant where I used to look for my boyfriend if he wasn’t in the apartment was still there.  Gaze up at the high rise where I had lived then.  Just soak up the atmosphere of my everyday Sydney life and try to re-live some memories.

Moving so much has taught me to value my everyday life and the relationships I develop in each place.  My hairstylist, my drycleaner, my tailor.  They all KNOW me.  It’s a personal relationship, not just a business transaction.  It makes everyday life sweeter and more meaningful.

The thought loop finished at the German Consulate, which as I expected was in the same building as one of my other clients.  They have moved to a new building but it still feels familiar to enter the door and know where to go.  Which made me think of the fun of new routines.  It’s good to break habits and explore new things.

I once dated someone who used to not take the most direct route when we were walking – but the most interesting or pleasant.  I am all about efficiency (the German Consulate felt like home 🙂 but I had to concede he had a point.  And while I generally take the efficient route to run errands, when I explore new cities or have a day off in my own, I just wander and see what happens.  In Paris, I might find a wonderful patisserie.  In Amsterdam I might encounter someone dressed like Darth Vader.  And here at home I might end up helping a lost tourist find the right bus.  Going beyond the DNA of my everyday life always offers unexpected pleasures…

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life philosophy, travel stories

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cinematic moments

I semi-watched the Oscars last night along with many millions all over the world.  It seems to have lost a lot of its mystique.  More a marketing platform for Harvey Weinstein and a bunch of designers most people can’t afford.  And Angelina Jolie is no Grace Kelly.

They kept trying to channel their past glory.  The one part that did speak to me was various people talking about their early cinematic memories.  The first film that I really remember clearly was Mary Poppins.  I was very into magic in those days and who couldn’t love a word like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.  I still reference Mary Poppins when I am pulling an improbable amount of stuff out of my tiny, perfectly designed evening bag.  Thank you, Longchamp 🙂

Most of my childhood movie memories are Disney films.  My mom thought she was Walt’s missing daughter and we were brainwashed from an early age.  They were perfect films for children and I do think cinema sparks your imagination and encourages you to dream.

I have meandered a very long distance from the life into which I was born.  I am sure some of those early cinematic moments inspired me to think big.  Once I got away from my mother’s strict parental controls, I went to see all sorts of films.  My sheltered youthful self would watch European films in wide-eyed astonishment.  Oh my god, they are naked!  Is that even physically possible?

Somewhere along the line, I started to absorb those lessons so well that my real life began to resemble the stuff I saw on the screen.  Often my real life adventures had a better script and cinematography.  How the concept “life on planetm” developed.  I would describe some recent adventure and my friends would say, “only on planetm!”

Shorthand for “that only happens in the movies”.  Or in marla’s life.  I started to dub them “cinematic moments.”  A fragment of real life with the look and the script of something bigger than real life.  My life has been full of cinematic moments.  Not too many people are sitting in Madrid shortly after the movie “Vicky Christina Barcelona” had come out and overhear some American tourists talking about it and think, “I had my own “Vicky Christina Barcelona” film last night.  I saw the real Spain.  I thought the movie was far-fetched.  But I just hadn’t met Spanish men :)”

How do you make your life cinematic?  You take some chances.  You talk to strangers.  You develop fine-tuned skills for reading people so you can let loose a little but not come to any harm.  You decide that after attending your 25 year college reunion, you will take advantage of the economic crisis and use your points for a business class ticket to Madrid.  You will do your research and not act like a North American.  So you will stay at the hippest hotel in Madrid.  You will be in the bar around 9 waiting to go to dinner.  You will not engage the boring American businessmen in conversation.  So when the cute guy who is sitting next to you – also alone at the bar – buys you a drink, you will be able to talk to him.  His name will be Javier.  You will think, “I want to experience the real Madrid.  And now I have Javier… a local.”  You will eat octopus, throw your refuse on the floor in the tapas bar like the locals and you will end up in the rooftop bar on the top of your hotel overlooking Madrid on a perfect October evening at 4am – when the place is at its peak.  Other crazy stuff will happen and you will come home with a story that Woody Allen would loved to have written.

So I don’t need to go to movies anymore.  I produce them in my everyday life – and always get the starring role 🙂

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artsy stuff, life philosophy, travel stories

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who needs Yoda when you have Yvonne :)

Before Sex and the City popularized the concept, I knew my close friends were like family members.  Many of my friendships now have a decade or two of history… some even more.

Yvonne is one of my oldest friends. She is one of those women who could rule the world… with time left over to have a hobby 🙂  (Women should rule the world of course – but we’ll leave that topic for future posts 😉

We met in the first month of our university education so I didn’t have the frame of reference yet to fully appreciate how impressive she was.  I do remember I was a little intimidated by her.  She didn’t act like she was 18.  She was so much more confident and pulled together than the rest of us.

We have now been friends for 31 years and counting… what is really incredible about the friendship is that we have lived in the same city for maybe 2 years of the 31…  I blame her for my penchant for long distance dating 🙂

There have been many moments that have added glue to our bond but one of the first happened long ago, in our early twenties.  She had a summer job in Lethbridge.  I had a summer job in Calgary.  So one weekend I went down to visit her.  It ended up being a pretty interesting weekend… mostly because I lost her for a while and was the first person in Canada to understand some random Scottish soccer player with a wild Glaswegian accent.  Hey, I loved Bill Forsyth films – and I didn’t need the subtitles!  So by the time I got reconnected with Yvonne I was trying to make sure my new Scottish boyfriend wasn’t going to pick a fight with one of her male friends for talking to me…

But I digress… even though the Scottish soccer player falling madly in love with me just because I could traverse his thick accent is a good story, the memorable part for me was hanging out with Yvonne… and her declaration at the end, “it was so great to see you.  I have met some people this summer but they don’t really KNOW me.  You have been to my hometown, you have met my parents, we dated brothers from the same tiny small town in Manitoba (and we both had a girl crush on their much cooler sister)…

She taught me the true net worth of your life is the sum total of the relationships and the people in it.  It’s the people who know you and participate in your life – in the good times and the bad – that give your life meaning.

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life philosophy, shining examples, travel stories

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the origin of friendship

This afternoon I had a wonderful, much too brief, visit with an old friend on his way from the airport to his mother’s 90th birthday in our favourite city.  I first met him when I was dating his best friend, 20 years ago now.  Yikes!  But we know I’m old so the interesting part of the story is that when I broke up with his friend, he asked if WE could still be friends.  I am pretty unconventional so it was fine with me.  But not a very typical way to acquire friends…

For whatever reason, that seems to be my norm.  I never gave it much thought until friends started playing a party game called, “how did you meet Marla?”  I had this eureka moment that most people develop their friendships from a very limited set of channels.  The typical ones are school, work or sports.  There is nothing wrong with these channels, of course, but it means that most of the people at the party will already know each other.

And likely have a lot of similarities.  How I started throwing parties is another story but I have thrown a lot of them and it’s always a diverse group.  People have commented on how much they enjoy my parties because it’s such a broad mix of people.

I think that stems from my lifestyle.  I have always been a gypsy child.  I spent my first six birthdays in a different town every year so I became used to new people.  But I guess I also yearned for more stability in some ways so once I got old enough to afford stamps, I would stay in touch with anyone I met who really caught my attention.  My criterion was an interesting conversation rather than shared interests or contacts.

I never really set out with a plan to acquire friends.  Just to meet people and treat them well.  But it’s ended up being a wild, wonderful ride.  Some of my best friends have rarely ever lived in the same city as me.  One friendship developed because we always brushed our teeth at the same time in university residence and would invariably end up on the sink counter with our toothbrushes chatting into the night.  Another was my random roommate for six weeks during a summer job in Calgary – we didn’t talk very often but when she taught me the longest word in the English language I knew she was one of my tribe 🙂   Yet another was acquired after I had been instructed to meet new people at an Australia Day party – by another friend who I acquired via a friend I met on a boat cruise by mistaking him for someone else…

You get the idea!  I would encourage everyone to make a goal to try and acquire at least one new friend each decade that you didn’t make via the normal channels… someone you met randomly at a bus stop maybe… we’re still going strong 30 years later… and I am really hoping she will be able to fly in for my 50th birthday party 😉

architects love chicago 🙂

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life philosophy, travel stories

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I’m with the band :)

Will Hoge popped up on my ipod today in the random mix.  “Rock n’ Roll Star” – about a young kid being lured by a recording contract.  Made me smile.

As previously noted, music will be a serious element of my birthday party and this song will be part of the soundtrack.  Will is famous in Tennessee but I expect it will be a pretty obscure choice for the Vancouver crowd.

It all started when my friend and I were pleasantly surprised that the opening band for Midnight Oil were so good.  We started seriously listening and bought their CD in the lobby at the end of the show.  I bought a couple extra to force on other people to support Will 🙂

At that point they were four young kids touring North America to promote their first CD.  I have this habit of engaging people in conversation so my effusive enthusiasm scored us a place on the guest list for the next evening’s concert.

It was the first time a band had put me on the guest list!  My friend had a bit of a crush on the bass player so I managed to convince her to leave the house for a second night in a row – on a Sunday.  To support my boy Will – and to see Midnight Oil for a second time (they have a whole story of their own…)

Just goes to show.  Channel my grandmother and engage young people.  Be supportive when they are starting out in their careers and they just might put you on the guest list!  And even if they don’t, you will have connected with someone and helped to give his career – and self-esteem – a boost.  It’s a reward in its own right.

http://willhoge.com/wired/

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artsy stuff, life philosophy, social commentary

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the rewards of aging…

Getting old definitely has a bad rap.  Not too much seems to get written on the benefits of getting old.  But today has been great proof for me that reaching an advanced age does have its rewards, no credit cards required…

It was a more or less a typical workday.  This is my busiest period of the year where simply showering has to be scheduled in so dressing up for work really goes to the backburner.  But I am finally beginning to see the rewards of the long to do list from a few months ago being ticked off so decided I would put a little more effort into my outfit.

I own some stunning Alexander McQueen (from his last season) pumps in Yves Klein blue that I bought on sale on a fantastically memorable July 4th visit to NYC.  They get attention practically every time I wear them.  But today they were the catalyst for a bigger conversation.

One of my clients has recently hired a lot of new staff.  I have seen some great work being done by them.  So we talked work but also shoes… and Paris (where I am headed post-birthday).   The conversation was very rewarding and neither had been to Paris even once (versus my I don’t know how many times but I feel like a native) so I have now promised them something from Paris…

But that is the point of the heading – when you get old, you can afford a few random gifts – and can inspire young people 🙂

Every time I do this I think of my maternal grandmother… I remember my mom teasing her that she was flirting with her paperboy or the guy who delivered her groceries.  I have now realized that by that time she was in her 70s.  I was too young to really “get” it then but now I see myself doing it… bonding with young people… cause you are genuinely interested.  And BOY, do they respond.  And your life grows richer at some exponential rate.

She may not have been able to articulate what she was doing but she was reaping all the benefits possible from being old – and maybe a tiny bit wise… but rather than inflicting wisdom on youth, she engaged them and became part of their life stories in the nursing home…  the wisdom was not the goal but the sublime after effect of spending time time with her… I know I received it… without realizing what had happened until decades later…

I bonded with so many young people in a single day some of the adventures will have to find their way into future posts… life doesn’t get much better than that 😉

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life philosophy, shining examples

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