a unique perspective on this crazy world

a local hero

August 10, 2012

I realize I am way behind the curve 🙂  I didn’t even know who Usain Bolt was until about 10 days ago!  And, dude, I hope you are as impressive as you appear!  As many of you know by now, I am sure, he has broken Olympic records (winning both the 100m and 200m in the Olympics twice in a row) and is officially the fastest man in the world.

But that isn’t what interests me.  It was the background piece CTV did on him that ran before he ran in an Olympic heat.   The dude is gorgeous and charismatic and easy to crush on.  But I am not a shallow crush kind of girl.  So what impressed me was his ties to his community, the role his parents played in his tiny town in Jamaica and how it appeared they had brought him up right, such that “giving back to the community” was the honourable way to lead one’s life.

If television is to be believed, he made sure his parish in Jamaica benefited from his very first contract with Puma, he has helped bring his elementary school into the new century and he has funded the medical clinic that dealt with his early sports injuries.

He is someone who uses his fame for good, someone who uses corporate sponsorship as a form of developing country aid and someone who has not forgotten where he came from or how he might be able to make his birthplace better.

Usain, don’t disappoint me 🙂  Like millions of other people I have been noting the time you are running in my time zone and seen you win live!  Bookmarking the 50th anniversary of Jamaican independence.  And today, all three of you are on the podium!  Take that, Team USA J  Or crazy China.  Apparently the Jamaicans are nuts about running and if you can survive that stadium the Olympics are nothing.  I just think it’s really cool that a small country with not so many resources can capture the imagination of the entire world – and apparently not even lose its soul.  Usain, Yohan, Warren – you are awesome!

I am a big fan of “local heroes”.   I stumbled into a movie theatre in 1983 by accident to see “A Local Hero” by Bill Forsyth.  It is still one of my favourite films.  When I went to Scotland for the first time in 1989 I made a pilgrimage to the tiny town clinging to the North Sea where it was shot.  I wandered into the North Sea out of season and just stared out at the barren landscape, beautiful in a stark, middle of nowhere kind of way.

Like Usain, I grew up somewhere small and obscure.  So I identified with the film.  I felt at home in a tiny village buttressing the North Sea.  I know a local hero when I see one.

My father never had a contract with Puma.  I am pretty sure he could have done Pepsodent commercials – but he was too shy.  He would have never mugged for the camera like Usain.  Or had his own website.  But when he died, I really understood what a local hero he was to so many of his neighbours.  He wasn’t internationally famous.  But within the community in which he grew up, he was a hero to many.  For his compassion, for his charm, for his strong principles.  I think it’s much like Usain’s parents are in their community.  And they were the ones who made him both a local hero – and an international one.  Let’s hope he inspires lots more mini-me’s all over the world who support their own communities and inspire future generations.  I think that’s the fantasy that we all hope the Olympics will encourage…

Once in a while fantasy and reality collide.  You just gotta have faith 🙂

And support your local heroes.  Like the Canadian women’s soccer team – the first team Olympic medal for Canada since 1936.  The girls really did us all proud.  And Christine Sinclair a local hero of my adopted home town.  The Olympics don’t get much better than that.  I would have given her the gold myself… but two historic games not something to sniff at…

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shining examples

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handicapping the olympics…

August 5, 2012

Today a lot of history was made.  One doesn’t get to make that statement very often.  The expected – but still extraordinary – Michael Phelps won another gold medal!  It is going to very tough to ever beat his Olympic record.  And he has had a very positive impact on the sport of swimming.  I think the really tough part of his life starts tomorrow though.  How will he use all this fame and all those endorsements?  Will he actually do anything to make the world a better place?  Will he do anything really important?  Will he be as impressive as Johann Olav Koss?

Who is he you might ask?  I learned about Right to Play through my friend Pierre during the Vancouver Games.  Check it out…

http://www.righttoplay.com/International/about-us/Pages/History.aspx

And since Ryan Lochte’s mom told the media he was a slut he is getting press for more than swimming so he will be OK 🙂  Canada’s Rosie (MacLennan) got the first gold of the games so she will always have a place in our national history.  And apparently, not only did she do the nation proud, she also made up for her grandfather’s missed Olympic chance because of WWII.  A great story!  And she seems like one of those people it’s really easy to cheer for.

Like her teammate Ryan Cochrane, not making gold, but making silver feel like a victory for the whole country.  And the Brits!  How can we not love them?  Three gold medals in Athletics, a record.  And all at home.  What I loved the most was how gracious they all were, almost surprised they had won.  Not the practiced sound bite Michael Phelps gave but some genuine emotion and astonishment.  They all sounded like amateurs.  And the fantasy Olympics that sometimes seems to have been side tracked by all the sponsors…

And then there is MY 2012 Olympic crush – Oscar Pistorius.  The Blade Runner.  The dude without fibulas who just qualified for the semi-finals in the 400 m for the Olympic games.  The first Paralympic athlete who is also an Olympian.

But what is the most impressive is the kind of man he seems to be.  Apparently a lot of it is attributable to his mom.  He lost her as a teenager, which would give him leave to blame the world for all sorts of things.  But instead he is throwing the concept of handicapping on its head.  He comes from a poor country (South Africa).  He has no physical advantages; he actually has disadvantages.  But he is just there to soak it all up and enjoy his moment.

One thing I really like about CTV’s coverage is the extra information they provide about athletes, sports and physiology.  I’ve seen the profile on Oscar a few times now and there are a couple of statements that really stand out.  From an interview after his historic run:

“I thought about my mummy a lot today. She was kind of a bit of a hard core, she wouldn’t take no for an answer … She always said losers aren’t the person that gets involved and comes last, but it’s the person who doesn’t get involved.”

The other statement that really resonated was “I didn’t grow up thinking I had a disability.  I grew up thinking I just had different shoes.”

I hope Oscar makes the final.  And gets famous.  It seems highly likely that at least the second will happen.  He seems to embody all that is great and noble about the Olympics – and sport, a message that is hard to hear sometimes over the commercials promoting how you can get a McDonalds hamburger all over the world (ugh!) or use Tide to keep your red and white from bleeding.

If they gave a gold medal for charm, class and character, Oscar would get a gold 🙂  And so would his mom 🙂

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reaching your potential…

August 3, 2012

I’m sure watching so much Olympic coverage is doing nothing for helping me reach MY potential but it has definitely provided lots to think about.  Just finished watching the Canadian women’s soccer (football) team go to the semi-final for the first time – after beating Great Britain on home turf.  Very exciting!  Especially now that I know a little about the game so can appreciate the skills more.  They face the USA in the semi-final.  Definitely dicey but one of the delightful things about the Olympics is the element of surprise.

http://www.ctvolympics.ca/field-sports/news/article/canada-advances-semis-with-win-over-great-britain.html

Which is why I am bored with Michael Phelps.  I feel a bit guilty.  I would never try to belittle his accomplishments.  I never watched anything from the 2008 Olympics because I was working at a level to rival any Olympic athlete’s training schedule.  So I only heard about the most decorated Olympian of all time once he was so famous everyone knew about him, whether you wanted to or not 🙂

That’s the thing.  He’s become so famous it’s become a bit tacky… and kind of boring.  I am far more impressed with everyone else in the pool who has been so successful in challenging him.  Obviously he has trained hard and is an incredible athlete but the commentators seem to have forgotten there is anyone else in the pool.  Yes, the gold medal is impressive but seriously, getting to the top three, even the top five, is a wild achievement and deserves a lot more attention than it gets.

Yet another example of how the media and the public seems to feel the twitter version of the world surpasses The Economist version of the world.  Sorry, people, but you are wrong.  You are missing so many points and illustrating the limited potential most human beings realize.  Because trying hard just seems like too much work.

There is a lot to reflect on when you watch the Olympics.  The irony that the Americans lead in gold medals and show a level of fitness that is world class while average Americans are shooting to lead the world in obesity and Type II diabetes.  The fact that over 200 countries come to the Olympics but most of the medals are won by a handful of rich countries with the resources to finance gold medals in the high technology 21st century.  The pity that only a small handful of athletes and sports will get prime time coverage and be celebrated on the world stage in a way that the Olympics is supposed to honour.

We all have to find our own perspective when we look at the world.  I think it might be partly my Canadian upbringing.  I love a self-deprecating sense of humour.  I love an underdog.  I love a smart analysis.

So one of the most interesting things I have heard so far in Olympic commentary was the comment how impressive it was that Chad le Clos was less than one quarter of a second behind Michael Phelps given le Clos’ lack of freakish genetics that would make him part fish-part man and highly adapted to swimming.

That’s the problem with just watching on the simple “who won the gold medal” level.  It’s all so much more complex.  First, the difference between the top five is normally less than a second or a point.  They are all exceptional and only occasionally is the gold medal winner much better than the silver on any real human scale.  And some are genetically lucky – or their country has more cash – or more interest in promoting their sport.  If they really wanted it all to reflect the ideals they pretend it does, they would handicap everyone to even the playing field.  Points would be deducted for genetic or economic advantage so that it would all reflect the training and effort of the athlete irrespective of the parentage or the country of birth.

Of course, nothing works like that.  And a few have written about Chad le Clos.  Good on them.  And apparently Michael Phelps was his hero.  And inspired lots of young swimmers.  So, maybe I am a little bored with Phelps – and would like to hear more about everyone else in the pool.  My heart goes out to Ryan Lochte, such an impressive swimmer and an engaging guy, but with the misfortune of being born to be in the shadow of Phelps.  But Phelps is an impressive guy and definitely deserves his celebrity a lot more than Snookie!

And more than the Royals.  Apparently if you are a member of the royal family and go to watch an Olympic game match you are a hero.  Seriously???  You don’t have a proper job and it is the least you can do to go out and support the athletes from your country.  In the best seats in the house.  I think there would be a long line who would be willing to do your “job” if it isn’t working for you.  Lucky genes with almost nothing else.  All you have to do is not act like a total jackass and you get accolades.  If only life was so lucky for the rest of us… 😉

But wouldn’t that be dull.  Personally I take my motivation from Chad and Ryan and the Canadian women’s soccer team.  From the less celebrated and more mortal who achieve astonishing feats.  One of my favourite medals these games was Brent Hayden winning a bronze in the 100m freestyle.  Big in Canada but no doubt ignored by the world.  But he didn’t make it to the finals in 2008 and this was his last Olympics.  And he made the podium!  He seemed so pleased and with such a great attitude about it all.

The message we should all be taking away from the Olympics, I think.  Sure, it’s mind-blowing the crap these competitive athletes will go through for a few minutes of glory.  And one should be respectful of their dedication and stamina – both mental and physical.  But in that greater arena we call life, are they any better than the rest of us?  Or are some of them worse?

My gold medal goes to people who make the world a better place.  It’s impossible to measure – even with handicapping.  If they get lucky, it will be acknowledged in the speeches and conversations at their funeral.  But by then, they will be dead…

So the way I measure the value of my life – and whether I am on track with my goals – is whether I seem to make other people happy, whether I am a positive influence, whether I remember to act and promote the concept of civilization.

Civilization, the golden rule and the simple message of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” will save the world and is the criteria on which we should all be judged – Olympic athletes or not.  We can all realize our potential to be someone who has the greatest positive impact on the world of which we are capable – and if we do that – every day – we will deserve our gold medal.  There will be no ceremony but it’s the one that really counts.

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life philosophy, shining examples, social commentary

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the politics of the alphabet…

July 28, 2012

OK, maybe on Sesame Street the alphabet is a big deal.  Most of the time it is something we learn as children and never really pay attention to once we have it memorized.

In prior Olympics I had noted the alphabet a bit but most of the opening ceremonies had not held my attention sufficiently to pay too much attention – and I didn’t have a blog 🙂

Even with the blog I wouldn’t have paid a lot of attention if the show had not been so engaging it was hard to just watch casually so by the time the athletes appeared, I was watching.  It is THEIR show after all!

While not as entertaining as the volunteers mostly (!) directed by Danny Boyle, it was really supposed to be about them and it was fascinating to see the national parade.  CTV also did a great job of providing random facts for every country represented so one could learn a bit if one wished.

First, one got an entertaining dose of British history… and then lots of random facts about geography and history.   Education writ as entertainment – or vice-versa.  A great achievement in either direction.

I’m watching NBC as I type this.  I have been fooling around watching round two but some of the sequences were fascinating and this one was the last to broadcast so I got to see a few things three times.  I’ve already seen CTV’s take – so we will see what the Americans think of it all.

CTV did a great job of giving some context to all 204 countries.  It is actually a great test of your knowledge of geography – and history.  There were even a couple of countries I had never heard of!  Islands somewhere in the South Pacific.  Still, it makes one humble.

What I found more fascinating was the wild dots that get connected when you put countries in alphabetical order.  Canada gets sandwiched between Cambodia, Cameroon and China.  Quite the disparate group!

Our uniforms looked very functional but pretty dull compared to Cameroon 🙂  And we share the colour red with China.  Those small details that normally get missed 😉

Some of the details just confirmed what the world already knows.  I have no idea how well Italy does at the summer Olympics.  They definitely didn’t score many medals on snow or ice.  But at both they win a gold medal for style!  They looked fantastic!  Not a surprise to find out their uniforms were designed by Giorgio Armani.  And maybe even made in Italy…  (really, USA, you would have your uniforms made in CHINA and then gripe about American jobs being lost…)

And then there are the athletes with stories that make them bigger than their national uniform.  I am sure there will more stories told as the medals are handed out but so far Usain Bolt looks hard to beat for that unique combination of athleticism and philanthropy.

And the politics of the world are there.  If you are paying attention.  Or watching an intelligent broadcast (so far NBC looks like they prepped by chatting with other random Americans on the plane over.  Apparently the athletes are marching faster than normal (kudos, Danny 🙂 so reading the crib notes when you know nothing about the world is proving tricky…)

But the politics here are fascinating.  The Olympics are trying to be a showcase for world cooperation – and leave your prejudices at home.  To the credit of IOC Chairman Jacques Rogge, Brunei sent its first female athlete – and she is carrying the flag!  Even Saudi Arabia has sent women.

Sadly some Muslim women need to cover up so much religion may interfere with sport.  Come on, Islam, get with the 21st century.  Religion has never been very female friendly.  And hatred does not make the world a better place…

But that is the nice thing with the Olympics.  While it’s pretty tough in certain corners, politics is officially left off the playing field.  So Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria all showed up – without AK47s.  You do really have to feel for the athletes from some countries where just training amid sniper fire or being allowed to get on a plane to London is an Olympian feat in itself.

And then there are the interesting facts if you are really paying attention… the number of new countries that didn’t used to exist… the strong showing of new countries that used to be part of the Soviet block and its emphasis on developing athletes to prove its might against the evil capitalist empire… the Jordanian women gorgeous and scarfless yet obviously Arab…  Chinese Taipei, not Taiwan, as the rest of us know it…  Norway, likely the most gorgeous team with politicians to match…  Spain, the most entertaining – giving Italy a run for its money in style 🙂

But more impressive Qatar…  a tiny team.  Medal hopes low.  But a woman is carrying the flag.  Another woman without a headscarf is on the team.   Apparently the IOC pressured Brunei, Saudi Arabia and Qatar – who had never sent female athletes – to change their ways… and it worked!

The most interesting alphabetical juxtaposition has to be the USA followed by Vietnam… of course it should have been the USSR in the old days… you gotta love the alphabet!

For NBC, apparently this keeping track of the alphabet is sufficient commentary… Dudes, someone should tell you about Wikipedia and the concept of preparation!  But if your nation only has a fourth grade education, I guess they won’t notice… and will love how you take every country and only comment on how it might impact the AMERICAN team – or if that is not applicable, where you could find it on a world map…

Seriously, people???   Hong Kong and capitalism?  Iceland and some swimmer’s shakedown with Michael Phelps… oh, and India and Indonesia have a huge population.  That’s news?  Not to anyone who  knows ANYTHING about the world… I think you are supposed to telling us stuff we don’t already know…

Anyway, NBC does tons of commercials so I swapped back to CTV and caught the brilliant Arctic Monkeys for a second time.  I’ve never seen them live – even better than on CD.  The symbolic doves and the Arctic Monkeys covering the Beatles (so much better than Sir Paul!)  WOW!

Salt Lake never had ANYTHING like this, Mitt 🙂   I guess that’s partly why the American commentators sound so gauche.  I know Americans think they are cooler.  And they are good at marketing – you can’t take that away.  But the Brits just have that je ne sais quoi.

London is the only city to host the Olympics three times.  It has done it in times of trouble.  The 1948 games far more poignant than 2012.  But one has to focus on the positives I think.  It is easy to diss the Olympics.  And the commercialisation of sport in general.

But you don’t have to pay attention to the advertising (this post has taken far longer cause I switch channels every time advertising comes on!)  And the spirit of the Olympics is the kind of world we should all strive for.

I really like how far Danny Boyle pushed people’s imaginations.  Now we just need to harness that imagination and use it for the greatest good.  That is far more challenging.  But Great Britain is an inspiring place.  Let us hope that what everyone – athletes and spectators – takes away is the inspiration.  And brings home something far more important than medals – a spirit of tolerance, striving for excellence and competition within the spirit of sportsmanship – all the ideals of the games before you could be arrested for wearing a Pepsi (as opposed to Coca Cola) T-shirt…

Let’s bring those ideals back.  And celebrate the real “cool Britainnia”…  the nation that promoted concepts like honour, fair play and literacy as though they were cards we could all play… and win J

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social commentary

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putting the Great in Britain!!!

July 27, 2012

Mitt Romney, shame on you for trying to claim a special relationship with the Brits.  You are not worthy, dude.  As Danny Boyle has shown us all 🙂

Maybe their most glorious days are behind them and Hollywood captures the collective imagination of the twitterish 21st century world but the accomplishments of the British.  It’s really tough to rival – and by comparison they look like the wise grownups while the Americans look like spoiled children.

I recently read a very depressing book called Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle.  There were some interesting points but the author offered no hope or solutions so for me it didn’t live up to its potential.  I am all about hope – and solutions.

I recognize there are no easy solutions.  But that doesn’t mean we should all throw our hands in the air and give up.  And while the world is not developing into a better place in a straight line, there are always positive developments happening every day – and that is what we need to nurture and celebrate.

That is why I was so wowed by Danny Boyle.  Who else could turn the National Health Service into a spectacle worthy of entertaining – but also enlightening.  And celebrating one of the great tenets of British society.

He also showed suffragettes, the industrial revolution (the good and the bad) and the invention of the world wide web.  All incredible advances in the modern world in which Great Britain played a key role.

He also highlighted the cultural achievements of a nation unsurpassed by any other on the world stage.  What other nation can start with Kenneth Branagh quoting from Shakespeare, put together Voldemort, JK Rowling, Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh and multiple Mary Poppins in a way that makes sense, flow into a gigantic electronic house party that showcases how Britpop became a word known all over the globe and then showcasing the energy and talent of the Arctic Monkeys.  How many countries have an indie band that good?

From the pastoral bucolic England of William Blake to the high energy multicultural Great Britain ushered in by Tim Berners-Lee’s world wide web, it’s been a place that influenced the world and its history.  There were many history lessons to be learned from Danny Boyle’s spectacle.  A great example of how spectacle can be used to teach, not just to titillate.  I think the most memorable image is the forging of the Olympic rings and their subsequent air flight.

So many things flew!  Or were lit up.  Or sparkled.  Sound, image and motion blended seamlessly from frame to frame, moving so fast, with so much to see, that I know I need to watch it twice to catch everything.

Only two years ago my home city hosted the Olympics.  And we did a great job.  But it was homespun.  We aren’t very famous.  Or rich.  The Queen didn’t come.  We put on a great show for someone in the middle of nowhere.  That’s the thing you gotta learn, Mitt.  You are in one of the most impressive cities in the history of the world, in a country that definitely has its faults (as they all do) but that has also contributed to the world so many of the advances that have made it a better place.

As a Canadian, I share a lot of the British sensibility.  And a lot more than crass Americans like you, Mitt.  We never fled from the mothership.  Even fought for her many times.  Of course King George III was advised by William Pitt to consider trading us for Guadeloupe.  Of course, at the time they had sugar plantations and we just had beavers so you couldn’t totally blame them.

(Discovered some fascinating facts about the American Revolution, the Tea Party (version 1.0) and King George III trying to make sure I had the names of the players right.  Kind of guessing Mitt (and the vast majority of Americans) unaware of these facts (cause Americans appear to hate FACTS… so dull and disconcerting) but definitely fuel for another post…

But tonight we are celebrating the Brits.  Sure, they have some flaws.  We all do, nationally and individually.  But, on the whole, the Brits show many more signs than other nations of being polite to others and worrying about the collective over the individual, valuing literacy and a complex world view and – my personal favourite – having a self-depreciating wit that can showcase humility and arrogance all in the right balance.

You will have to watch the show!  I was privileged to watch it live.  And was shocked by the lack of commercials.  It was hard to even time a bathroom visit 🙂  So much happened I will have to watch it again in prime time.  It was so spectacular it has even inspired a second post 🙂

On a personal note, I’d really like to thank my parents for being such strong proponents of the concept of literacy.  There was lots of flash to the London show and – like any great spectacle – it can be watched on more than one level.  But it was my childhood experience that informed my favourite sequences.

I liked the ones with intellectual content.  With a moral message.  I think my favourite was the tribute to the National Health Service.  Where I also learned about GOSH.

According to Wikipedia, Great Ormond Street is closely associated with University College London (UCL) and in partnership with the UCL Institute of Child Health, which it is located adjacent to, is the largest centre for research and postgraduate teaching in children’s health in Europe.  It is part of both the Great Ormond Street Hospital/UCL Institute of Child Health Biomedical Research Centre and the UCL Partners academic health science centre.  It was apparently the first sick children’s hospital in the world.

Great Ormond Street is known internationally for receiving the rights from J. M. Barrie to his play Peter Pan, or the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up in 1929, which have provided significant funding for the institution.

Watching children reading stories reminded me of MY childhood 🙂  And I know ALL of these stories and characters.  My parents read to us until we could read to them – and finally to ourselves.  Books were revered.  It’s how a great civilization is built.  From the King James Bible to Harry Potter, English books have touched most of the world.  As will the 2012 London Olympic opening ceremonies.

I think they mostly got it all right.  Beckham looked cool and was gracious in his role in the ceremonies, showcasing the best kind of Englishman.  The Queen actually got into a helicopter with Daniel Craig, a few minutes that showed the entire history of the monarchy in a few frames of film, highlighting how she great she is at playing Queen and keeping the monarchy popular when it should be an anachronism.

The only moment that made me shake my head… really, WHO would want to follow those fireworks???  And an aging Beatle with a creaky voice singing “Hey Jude”.  Danny boy, you ended on a low note.  But I guess someone had to pay for all that flash.  And Britain might have the smarts and the talent… but not so much cash.  So I’m guessing Paul flashed some cash and paid for his advertising spot like the other sponsors.

But, hey, London, you have definitely grown up in the last 12 years.  I was there in 1999 for the big Millennium.  It really sucked.  The highlights: Peter Gabriel’s high wire show and Black Adder making fun of English history in the Millennium Dome.  You learned from your mistakes.  A great show by Danny Boyle combining spectacle and intellect.  A very funny Rowan Atkinson as Mr. Bean.  And a real River of Fire on the Thames this time!  You even have the Millennium Wheel working – unlike at the actual Millennium 😉

Now, if you had really wanted to end with a bang, you would have had Paul McCartney sing John Lennon’s “Imagine”.  A song that fits the message the Olympics like to preach at least.  Paul honouring John and saying he is above the rivalry.  And first you would have had a minute of silence for the Israeli athletes killed in Munich in 1972.  That would have sent a message that the Olympics really want to be about more than cash and advertising.

Unlike the American presidency…  Mitt, they kicked ass!  They may make you “eat humble pie”.  That’s “eat crow” to you.  Don’t worry, I don’t think you have to eat actual crows – or offal… but you are in a foreign country so you never know… and there are a lot of pigeons in Trafalgar Square…

 

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artsy stuff, shining examples, social commentary

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the lego blocks of self-esteem…

July 25, 2012

Hopefully life will start to slow down and I can edit the photos from my mom’s 70th birthday and write about it – and start posting more regularly.  And maybe even organize this blog a bit, which has been the intention since the beginning…

But today is what would have been my dad’s birthday.  His 70th would have been last year.  I am a big sucker for birthdays so I will celebrate in my own demented way and he gets a post in honour of his day of birth.

We’ve already talked about him in a few different contexts and no doubt there will be more talk in the future.  He was a larger than life guy, like something out of the movies.   Ours was a complicated, intense child-parent relationship that will supply fodder for thought for the rest of my life.  Some of it was him.  Some of it was me.  Some of it was the generation in which I was birthed.  Fathers played a strange role in those days and many children had complicated, often distant relationships with that parent and suffocating, obsessive relationships with the mothership.  It was just the way it was… but that is a topic for further discussion.

Today we talk about me, my dad and self-esteem.  And it is hardly the easy discussion you might envision.

My father died having never told me he was ever proud of me.  Having spent a good portion of my life criticizing me.  You would therefore likely decide he was bad for my self-esteem.  And, hey, he could have tried a little harder 🙂

But that is not who he was.  And his mother – my grandmother – scared me when I was a child because she was so tough.  So she spoiled him rotten – but teach him how to be touchy-feely with other people… I really doubt it.

My father had a very tough childhood.  He lost his father when he was 10.  All of his other siblings had a different dad.  His was far better but it still must have given him a sense of displacement.  He grew up poor and left school at 15.  He never realized how talented HE was so expecting him to give me self-esteem like an ice cream treat would have just been delusional on my part.

When I was growing up no one worried about children’s self-esteem.  They worried if they had enough to eat and if their parents abused them.  That’s how it still goes down in a lot of the world.  And far too many children DON’T have enough to eat – or are abused.  There is lots to worry about on that front.

But in the west we have all become spoiled in a way no other century could have envisioned.  So we worry about everyone’s self-esteem.  And make it sound like ice cream treats, to be bestowed on others for not acting up.

But this is where we have gone wrong.  How we have created such a crazy sense of entitlement that the western countries are trying to take down the world economically.  We don’t want for anything.  We expect everything.  And yet we still don’t have enough self-esteem if you listen to any random afternoon TV show.

Well… here’s a thought… maybe self-esteem needs to be earned, not given.  My father never gave me any self-esteem treats.  And sometimes he chipped away at it because he wasn’t feeling as confident as he should have.

But what he GAVE me was far more valuable and enduring.  He gave me a simple yet comprehensive life philosophy that comprised the very first lego blocks for building my own self-esteem.

Sure, it’s easy when people tell you they are proud of you.  But, really, that’s a little boring, isn’t it? 😉  And if you really want some solid self-esteem, it is best to collect your own lego blocks and create your own structure.  Everyone will have a different design – and you will need to add and move the pieces as you grow older, to get it just right.

But the starter blocks are someone telling you to be your own person.  That is the invaluable gift that my father gave me pretty much as soon as I could speak.  I was pretty much the only six year old telling all the other kids to just be their own people and not worry about what was popular.  If they liked something or believed in it, that was enough.  Who cared what other people thought?

It was a position that he never waivered on.  And he lived it.  As I got older and he saw me putting it into practice, he supplied the fancy blocks.  It was important to know who you were and what you wanted and not get distracted by the noise of popular opinion or naysayers.  But this did not mean you could use this philosophy to become a dictator.

You needed to be sensitive to other people’s opinions.  You should listen to them – and pay attention.  You should follow your own path without hurting anyone else’s feelings.  And you should make sure your ideas were civilized and good for the whole of society, not just for you.  So you should develop your own personal philosophy, own it, and live it – but make sure it wasn’t a crappy one!

Because, of course, if you got lots of confidence from having a lousy life strategy and bulldozing other people, you would never get any self-esteem.  Because you would be an asshole.

And I wasn’t even allowed to be impolite.

It was all incredible advice.  I have spent my life telling other people about my dad’s ideas.  He had lots.  And many wonderful qualities.  Today we are just nailing the essence of some of the best things he did for the world in his time here.  He gave people the lego building blocks they could use to lead a confident, civilized life – doing interesting things, treating others well and using their brains to try and make the world a better place.

And people, you do that… all of a sudden you realize you have a lot of self-esteem – because you earned it the old-fashioned way, the only way that really works.  Someone should tell Oprah 😉

Category:

life philosophy, shining examples

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self-assessing your level of craziness :)

July 21, 2012

Over a decade ago I thought I was an aspiring writer and attended a writer’s workshop in Toronto where I got to have Roddy Doyle tell me my writing might be publishable – and establish a friendship with a far more promising writer named Stephen.  He was one of those super smart people that I gravitate to and had a dry wit to revel any Monty Python skit.  His parting line to me was “I hope you’ll remember me taller.”

He was also the first person to introduce me to the concept… “if you start to go crazy, how will you know you are crazy?”  A great existential question.

I’m kind of hoping I am NOT crazy but as my ivory top spins around in the washing machine for the second time because of my 3am adventures I’m not as confident as I was yesterday…

Sorry, kids, I know it’s hardly fair in this Fifty Shades of Grey world that my 3am adventures involved me having ALL my clothes on!  Just not really the ideal ones… which is where the “am I turning into a crazy person” dilemma comes in.

I was in a bike room at 3am.  WHY, you ask?  As you should.  WHO decides – after an evening out, the right thing to do is head to the bike room all dressed up?  Somehow it seemed it would be funnier in heels…

It all started a few days ago when I saw a notice by the elevator that said they were doing construction in the P2 level bike room so the bikes would have to be moved.  For most people, that is no big deal.  But, irrespective of whether I am now crazy, I am definitely not normal.  So this small piece of paper almost induced a panic attack.

I’m not sure how it breaks down in the world but there are definitely parts of it where riding a bike is – at most – something you do when you are a kid.  But that is not how things go down in Deutschland.  It’s pretty normal to ride a bike.  And the bike paths are brilliant.  In my adopted hometown of Vancouver, things are much the same – except the bike paths aren’t as brilliant – but we are working on it.

So… when I got married to a German guy and he thought I should have a bike so we could go for bike rides on the weekend, it seemed an all-round good idea.  Of course, at that stage, I spoke practically no German and shopping adventures involved a lot more adventure than I like in my shopping.  I would normally be interested in the specs and the comparisons between bikes.  But this was mostly how fast can I purchase this damn bike and get it out of the store so I can avoid all the disapproving looks that I apparently live in Germany but do not speak the lingo.

Back in 2002 I returned to Vancouver alone.  But I brought the bike – cause, hey, I live a few steps from the seawall and everyone bikes in Vancouver.  Of course most people have a lot more recreational time than I do so the bike got moved from my rental apartment to the P2 bike room in the apartment building in which I purchased – and became a kind of urban legend…

I live in the kind of town where people would ask, “do you have a bike?”  Normal people would simply say “yes” or “no”.  I would say… “theoretically yes.  And I could likely ride it.  But it’s in a bike room somewhere in my building and I can’t remember what it looks like.  But I did lock it and put the key in an envelope… so, again theoretically, if I actually went to the bike room (I think it’s P2, not P1) with the key I might be able to find my bike…”

But, of course, what is the point of going to the bike room to LOOK at your bike?  And the elusive “free time” I have been seeking for a few years now has never materialized.  But it IS a bike.  And, while I have no idea of its specs or virtue, I think it’s likely a decent bike.  It seemed wrong to just leave it to die in the bike room.  And since I locked it, no one could easily walk away with it.

So, this is how we get to the sanity assessment.

Last night I was out with my friend Dora to see some theatre and then drink a great bottle of Chardonnay.  Dora is definitely not crazy!  And very delightful 🙂  And she owns a bike – and rides it!  Like normal, sane people.

I’m not quite sure how the topic of my German bike languishing somewhere in the bowels of my apartment building came up… but I told her about the notice that I had seen… and that maybe that was the sign I should FIND the bike.  God forbid, maybe I should even ride it???

Dora has a great sense of humour so she was amused by my bike story… and understood my thoughts that it would be kind of weird walking around in a bike room with a key trying to see if any of the bike locks worked… maybe it worked for Prince Charming and the glass slipper… but I was a little worried people might think I was some kind of high tech criminal… or at least a crazy person 🙂

Maybe it was the Chardonnay 🙂  Anyway, we decided I should go and look for my bike when I got home… cause it was at least 2am so unlikely anyone would see me in the bike room trying my key on all the bike locks… and somehow it just seemed far more entertaining that I would be doing such a ridiculous task all dressed up in 4 inch heels!

Back in the days when I rode a bike every day I lived on a farm so there was no need for locks or bike rooms.  They are really dirty, people!  And apparently I am not the only one with a dusty bike 🙂

The whole thing was a Monty Python sketch.  First I had trouble even getting into the bike room cause it’s surrounded by mesh so the lock is really complicated.  A good sobriety test for sure!  But I had my envelope that said “bike key” and I got the first door open and stared at all the bikes.  I had no idea where to begin…

I realize that to people who ride their bikes – and spent time choosing them – the concept of having no idea what my bike looked like would seem foreign.  I am pretty sure it is the one object I have purchased where I was just trying to get out of the store and totally didn’t care.  All I knew was that it was a road bike, not a mountain bike.

I guess if I lived somewhere else where bike riding was confined to children, it would have been a lot easier.  But this was a full bike room with all sorts of options.  After I had tried my key in a few random bike locks, I had the eureka moment that I should look for a dusty bike!

That only got me so far though.  It was getting really late and I was wandering around a bike room in heels ready to give up.  But the analytical skills kicked in.  A lot of bikes were locked together so it was unlikely to be one of them – unless it had started having an intimate relationship in the bike room I wasn’t aware of… possible but not likely…  and I had some info on the bike lock in my envelope.  It was Kryptonite.

A little deduction went a long way.  I quit just randomly trying locks with my key hoping to win the lottery and spotted a dusty looking bike in the far corner.  No other bikes tethered to it.  Kryptonite lock.  Dark maroon, purplish shade.  Giant brand…  a vague memory…  I think this might be my bike… and the key fit!

Of course, the tires were so flat I had to basically carry it all the way to my apartment…  Once I had propped it up in the living room I looked at my clothes.  Seriously, what kind of moron stumbles around in a bike room at 3am, touching all sorts of bikes as they see if they will magically unlock, and then practically CARRIES a dusty, dirty bike out of the bike room and up the elevator in an ivory shirt and heels???

Which is why I woke up this morning wondering if I had become insane and was just too crazy to realize?  The second round of laundry finished as I was typing this… and, thanks to Oxi-Clean and the good laundry skills I learned from my mother on the prairie… no one will ever know which top I was wearing when I started to go senile… 🙂

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life philosophy

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