the origin of friendship
This afternoon I had a wonderful, much too brief, visit with an old friend on his way from the airport to his mother’s 90th birthday in our favourite city. I first met him when I was dating his best friend, 20 years ago now. Yikes! But we know I’m old so the interesting part of the story is that when I broke up with his friend, he asked if WE could still be friends. I am pretty unconventional so it was fine with me. But not a very typical way to acquire friends…
For whatever reason, that seems to be my norm. I never gave it much thought until friends started playing a party game called, “how did you meet Marla?” I had this eureka moment that most people develop their friendships from a very limited set of channels. The typical ones are school, work or sports. There is nothing wrong with these channels, of course, but it means that most of the people at the party will already know each other.
And likely have a lot of similarities. How I started throwing parties is another story but I have thrown a lot of them and it’s always a diverse group. People have commented on how much they enjoy my parties because it’s such a broad mix of people.
I think that stems from my lifestyle. I have always been a gypsy child. I spent my first six birthdays in a different town every year so I became used to new people. But I guess I also yearned for more stability in some ways so once I got old enough to afford stamps, I would stay in touch with anyone I met who really caught my attention. My criterion was an interesting conversation rather than shared interests or contacts.
I never really set out with a plan to acquire friends. Just to meet people and treat them well. But it’s ended up being a wild, wonderful ride. Some of my best friends have rarely ever lived in the same city as me. One friendship developed because we always brushed our teeth at the same time in university residence and would invariably end up on the sink counter with our toothbrushes chatting into the night. Another was my random roommate for six weeks during a summer job in Calgary – we didn’t talk very often but when she taught me the longest word in the English language I knew she was one of my tribe 🙂 Yet another was acquired after I had been instructed to meet new people at an Australia Day party – by another friend who I acquired via a friend I met on a boat cruise by mistaking him for someone else…
You get the idea! I would encourage everyone to make a goal to try and acquire at least one new friend each decade that you didn’t make via the normal channels… someone you met randomly at a bus stop maybe… we’re still going strong 30 years later… and I am really hoping she will be able to fly in for my 50th birthday party 😉
architects love chicago 🙂
life on planetm 
that minority feeling…
Not long ago I was part of a conversation that included the phrase, “oh, you mean the white girl” in trying to identify a new staff member. I’d never thought about it but realized that the majority of the employees are not “white” and “a white girl” was an easy identifier. Really made me think about how cool the world has become 🙂 And my experiences being a visible minority.
The first time I realized how oblivious I was to skin colour was decades ago in a bar in LA. I was there on a business trip and hanging out with a young colleague. I wanted him to feel comfortable that he wasn’t stuck with me all night so I said, “you can just tell girls that I am your sister.” He looked at me quizzically and I got the point so I said, “OK, tell them we don’t have the same father” 😉
I have been a minority a number of times now but one of the experiences that really stands out for me is going to China in 2008. It was just after the Olympics and China was in the news all the time so it seemed like everyone was traveling to China. But once I arrived, I quickly noted that, as a little white redhead, I was a huge novelty.
I first clued in to that on my run up the Great Wall. I took a tour and was convinced to do the more challenging route so was practically running up the Great Wall to reach the high point for a panoramic photo quickly enough to get back in time to not miss the bus back to Beijing.
I’d just taken my scenery shot and was about to head down when some teenage boys made hand gestures that suggested they wanted a photo. I assumed they wanted a photo of the two of them at the top of the Great Wall. But the hand gestures implied something was off. They wanted ME in the photo! Hardly my best look but the first boy seemed quite pleased so his friend, who was obviously more shy, decided that he wanted to pose with me too. It became a theme of my visit and how I learned my only Mandarin – xie xie – thank you…
The coolest part of my trip to China was coming back to Vancouver and randomly walking down Seymour Street just as the language schools let out. It was pretty obvious in China that I was a minority but I walked for at least 5 blocks feeling like I was still in China… and it wasn’t jet lag 🙂
The world is changing. It used to be run by old white guys. I would really encourage everyone to get out of your own neighbourhood – where you are likely the majority – and be a minority – at least for a week. It really expands your perspective to get out of your comfort zone. Enjoy being a visible minority while you have the opportunity 😉 My goal is to encourage the world to intermix so successfully that the concept of being a visible minority – or a “white girl” – will become obsolete…
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social commentary, travel stories
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